just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
