Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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