oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
