Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
