I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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