Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm having to shit out rocks
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
