At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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