i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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