I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
