Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize