my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
