i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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