I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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