Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
