Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
