Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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