Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
