Umm I'm too high to move.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize