At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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