I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
40s are totally the cure
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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