If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
