Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
