I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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