I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it glows. i had to have it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
