oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
