Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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