You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
