Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
