a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
