So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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