I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
