Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
