make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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