I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
