he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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