last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
