I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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