'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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