Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
tell me about the eggs
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