My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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