I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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