Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
