I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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