i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
