best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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