I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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