I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
