went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
