We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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