I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
