who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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