We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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