I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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