Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
