tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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