I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
