I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
