Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
