I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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