those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
