shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
