Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
