His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
