He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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