dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sorry about my life...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
