He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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