Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
