I'm so fucking centered right now
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
