Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize