you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
